Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Talking about parenting is a minefield

Or rather talking about parenting is like walking through a minefield.  A really horrible minefield filled with lots and lots of different footpaths to follow, all filled with lots and lots of mines.  Whichever one you take you still trip over some, there is no safe path.  Sometimes I think it might be best not to choose any path at all, just hide under a rock or something!
This has been my experience anyway which is why I have closed this blog down for a few days.  After receiving some worrying comments on a post I did about Baby Led Weaning, I discovered that I offended some people that I know personally and I felt exposed and vulnerable.  Obviously, if you know me at all you would know that I am not the sort of person who goes out of their way to upset people.  But I am someone with opinions, strong ones, which begs the question, talk about parenting or not? Clearly if you have strong opinions about something you are bound to upset someone at some point even when you don't mean to, so does that mean it's better not to say anything at the risk of upsetting someone? Or do you say what you need to say because you have a voice, a heart, an idea, a truth and it needs telling? It is a hard a difficult road to take, the truth road, and I am not talking about right or wrong, good or bad, but personal truth, my truth.  
And yet I find it so hard to remember that what I see as truth, someone else might not.  Is it possible to hate something for myself and yet not hate it for someone else?
Is it possible to love something for myself and not want to share it with the world?

I really am truly sorry for upsetting people with my words, my truth, I used to think "Those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind"  but perhaps life isn't as simple as this because sometimes the truth hurts and I don't want to hurt people.

I took a risk with my Baby Led Weaning post, I exposed part of myself that I haven't exposed before, I expressed what I thought about something in an uncompromising way, no "if it's right for you" but my own thoughts on something without apology.  But I made a mistake.  Not in what I said, but in how I said it.  
And I think that is the key to this experience, (and thank goodness I have learnt something from it, or else it would have been for nothing) I have to think carefully not about what I say, but about the way I say it, because, unlike when chatting friends where intonation and emphasis can change the meaning of what is being told, the truth of a message can be lost in the facelessness of the written word.  

So here I am facing the future, I am not hiding away any more, but I am carefully selecting which bits of myself to reveal, which thoughts, which truths, and thinking carefully about how I expose them.  I am facing the future with love and kindness, sensitivity and peace, trying to remember that some truths are not universal even if they mean the world to me.

Friday, 12 October 2012

My life right now

I haven't logged on for a while because I have been doing a bit of thinking about where this blog is going, whether to continue with it, whether to start another blog or to keep going but with more focus.
I was this space to be more authentic, I am tired of reading blogs containing photos of the contents of the author's handbag, or photos of desirable "wish list" items for that month, or how-to's for things that are either entirely obvious or else hideous!
I have very little time on my hands these days for frivolous blog posts and I need to think about what this blog actually does for me, what it adds to my life rather than trying to get readers, or followers, or comments (although all those things are lovely), if I am not getting anything from blogging then I am not sure there is that much point in it.  Maybe that sounds selfish, but I am not sure that this blog touches enough people's lives in any significant way for it to be purely altruistic.
So I am left thinking that if this blog is a reflection of my own life, my own real life, and not a idealistic dream, then it needs to focus on what is important in my own real life. So, what is important in my life?  Well I suppose all the things that I list in my about page:

  • Self-sufficiency,
  • Environmental awareness,
  • Alternative parenting,
  • Christianity,
  • Art and craft,
  • Simple living.
It would be lovely to have a blog like soulemama but I don't take any where near enough photos...maybe I should start taking more photos...I like renegademothering but I am not as articulate, or funny.  I want to just be ME, but I am afraid people won't like me, or that they won't I am not interesting enough, or funny enough, or clever enough (actually come to think of it, these feelings stop me from doing a lot of things in life).  I have a lot of thoughts about things that I am too afraid to say in case they make people not like me.  I am a nice person, honest, but some things confuse, infuriate and annoy me, should I share those here?  Or should this blog just be all flowers and bunny rabbits?  You know, everything nice and lovely.  But that wouldn't reflect me either would it? I also have to remember that people I know and love read this blog and I don't want to offend them.  *sigh* what a middle class, western dilemma!    Put things into perspective Helen. 
Ok I am blabbering now.  Right, it's decision time.  No more blogging for hits, no more blogging for comments, I am blogging for me now, like me or loathe me.  (ooh err, that's scary)  Just REAL things, a diary of sorts. I shall see how it goes, let me know if you like it or not.

p.s. I am not even sure people who read this blog know much about me, (note to self: update "about" page)
Right, night all, I am of to a wedding tomorrow, of a couple that neither I nor my husband have ever met.  I am sure I will tell you about it!