Talking about parenting is a minefield

Or rather talking about parenting is like walking through a minefield.  A really horrible minefield filled with lots and lots of different footpaths to follow, all filled with lots and lots of mines.  Whichever one you take you still trip over some, there is no safe path.  Sometimes I think it might be best not to choose any path at all, just hide under a rock or something!
This has been my experience anyway which is why I have closed this blog down for a few days.  After receiving some worrying comments on a post I did about Baby Led Weaning, I discovered that I offended some people that I know personally and I felt exposed and vulnerable.  Obviously, if you know me at all you would know that I am not the sort of person who goes out of their way to upset people.  But I am someone with opinions, strong ones, which begs the question, talk about parenting or not? Clearly if you have strong opinions about something you are bound to upset someone at some point even when you don't mean to, so does that mean it's better not to say anything at the risk of upsetting someone? Or do you say what you need to say because you have a voice, a heart, an idea, a truth and it needs telling? It is a hard a difficult road to take, the truth road, and I am not talking about right or wrong, good or bad, but personal truth, my truth.  
And yet I find it so hard to remember that what I see as truth, someone else might not.  Is it possible to hate something for myself and yet not hate it for someone else?
Is it possible to love something for myself and not want to share it with the world?

I really am truly sorry for upsetting people with my words, my truth, I used to think "Those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind"  but perhaps life isn't as simple as this because sometimes the truth hurts and I don't want to hurt people.

I took a risk with my Baby Led Weaning post, I exposed part of myself that I haven't exposed before, I expressed what I thought about something in an uncompromising way, no "if it's right for you" but my own thoughts on something without apology.  But I made a mistake.  Not in what I said, but in how I said it.  

And I think that is the key to this experience, (and thank goodness I have learnt something from it, or else it would have been for nothing) I have to think carefully not about what I say, but about the way I say it, because, unlike when chatting friends where intonation and emphasis can change the meaning of what is being told, the truth of a message can be lost in the facelessness of the written word.  

So here I am facing the future, I am not hiding away any more, but I am carefully selecting which bits of myself to reveal, which thoughts, which truths, and thinking carefully about how I expose them.  I am facing the future with love and kindness, sensitivity and peace, trying to remember that some truths are not universal even if they mean the world to me.

My life right now

I haven't logged on for a while because I have been doing a bit of thinking about where this blog is going, whether to continue with it, whether to start another blog or to keep going but with more focus.
I was this space to be more authentic, I am tired of reading blogs containing photos of the contents of the author's handbag, or photos of desirable "wish list" items for that month, or how-to's for things that are either entirely obvious or else hideous!
I have very little time on my hands these days for frivolous blog posts and I need to think about what this blog actually does for me, what it adds to my life rather than trying to get readers, or followers, or comments (although all those things are lovely), if I am not getting anything from blogging then I am not sure there is that much point in it.  Maybe that sounds selfish, but I am not sure that this blog touches enough people's lives in any significant way for it to be purely altruistic.
So I am left thinking that if this blog is a reflection of my own life, my own real life, and not a idealistic dream, then it needs to focus on what is important in my own real life. So, what is important in my life?  Well I suppose all the things that I list in my about page:

• Self-sufficiency,
• Environmental awareness,
• Alternative parenting,
• Christianity,
• Art and craft,
• Simple living.

It would be lovely to have a blog like soulemama but I don't take any where near enough photos...maybe I should start taking more photos...I like renegademothering but I am not as articulate, or funny.  I want to just be ME, but I am afraid people won't like me, or that they won't I am not interesting enough, or funny enough, or clever enough (actually come to think of it, these feelings stop me from doing a lot of things in life).  I have a lot of thoughts about things that I am too afraid to say in case they make people not like me.  I am a nice person, honest, but some things confuse, infuriate and annoy me, should I share those here?  Or should this blog just be all flowers and bunny rabbits?  You know, everything nice and lovely.  But that wouldn't reflect me either would it? I also have to remember that people I know and love read this blog and I don't want to offend them.  *sigh* what a middle class, western dilemma!    Put things into perspective Helen. 

Ok I am blabbering now.  Right, it's decision time.  No more blogging for hits, no more blogging for comments, I am blogging for me now, like me or loathe me.  (ooh err, that's scary)  Just REAL things, a diary of sorts. I shall see how it goes, let me know if you like it or not.

p.s. I am not even sure people who read this blog know much about me, (note to self: update "about" page)

Right, night all, I am of to a wedding tomorrow, of a couple that neither I nor my husband have ever met.  I am sure I will tell you about it!

Holiday 2012

Last week we finally went on a holiday!  My first for nearly 3 years, and let me tell you, it was a looong time coming, and it was soooooo good!  I just RELAXED the whole time, wonderful!  And I am afraid I didn't really want to come back home to the hum drum of every day life, doing laundry and endless dished, tidying and stressing about getting to places on time. It was so nice to spend hours reading, and putting my feet up, not worrying about cleaning and tidying, playing with Orren, spending time talking to my husband, doing cross words, visiting lovely old houses and romantic ruins, walking on the beaches, not having to be anywhere in particular.  It was bliss.  

We didn't travel far, just to the North Norfolk coast to a little fisherman's cottage in a village called Blakeney.    Thankfully we had some wonderful sunny, if a little blowy days, and only one day of drizzle.  

On our holiday we:

• Walked along the Quay at Blakeney,
• Visited three National Trust properties; Felbrigg Hall, Blicking Estate and Oxburgh Hall,
• Visited two lots of ruins; Binham priory and Baconsfield Castle,
• Visited three seaside towns and walked on their beaches; Wells-Next-the-Sea, Cromer and Sheringham,
• Ate lunch at the Blakeney Hotel,
• Had lots of picnics,
• Laughed a lot,
• Took lots of photos:

My baby ate blackberries!

On Friday we took Orren to the allotment for a foraging session and gave him a blackberry to enjoy.  He examined it carefully the gently stroked it's shiny black bumps before squashing it into his little fist and slurping it from his hand.  He had juice all over his face, hand, arm and top, but a happy smile on his face!  I think he enjoyed it.

Zesty Beetroot Chutney

We often end up with a glut of vegetables in our fruit boxes (which is one of the reasons we aren't getting it any more) and a few weeks ago we had one too many beetroot, along with a growing collection of empty jars I was inspired to make some chutney.  I find that beetroot can be a bit muddy tasting sometimes, even when fresh, and don't even get me started on the picked variety, yuck!  So I was pleasantly surprised to find that this recipe transformed the beetroot into delicious fruity chutney that goes perfectly with cheese on toast. 

You can find the full recipe here,

1 1/2kg beetroot trimmed and peeled and chopped,

3 onions chopped,

3 eating apples peeled and cored and chopped,

Zest and juice of 3 oranges,

2 tbsp white or yellow mustard seeds, 

1 tbsp coriander seeds,

1 tbsp ground cloves,

1 tbsp ground cinnamon,

700ml red wine vinegar,

700g granulated sugar.

Mix ingredients together in a pan and cook until the beetroot is tender and the mixture parts when you run and spoon along the base of the pan,

Sterilise jars then put the chutney into the jars.

Eat! (It gets better with age.)

The start of Autumn

Saturday was officially the first day of Autumn, (well ok officially the 22nd of September is the start of Autumn because that's the autumnal equinox, but I say 1st September because if you divide the year into four then there are three months for each season and September is the first for Autumn so there we go) and it had started to feel like it at the end of last week; we woke up to a bit of condensation on the windows and a general sense of chilliness in the air.  Normally this time of year fills me with dread, all those dark mornings and evenings, the cold, the wet, but this year I feel different, I am looking froward to watching the leaves change colour and walking in them through the woods hearing them crunch underfoot, I am looking forward to pumpkin pie and fruit cake and other Autumnal delights.  I am finding myself fantasising about frosty mornings, seeing my breath in the air, walking on crunchy grass and best of all, our first Christmas at home!
I always vowed that once we had a baby we would no longer be performing the yearly ritual of travelling from one side of the country to the other, visiting one set of parents in London and another set in Wales, so this is the year when we get to snuggle up in our very own beds on Christmas eve, fill a little stocking for Orren then wake up and settle in on our own sofas with some chocolates.  Oooh so excited about our first Christmas dinner our way, making our own Christmas traditions, watching what we want on TV and much much more.
I can also put the past year of veg growing (or lack thereof) behind me and start thinking about growing lots of lovely things to eat at the allotment and let Orren have a good dig around in the mud too.  I am still chasing my tail with him, stressing about not taking enough photos and not recording enough.  But I am just trying to enjoy life generally and not worry too much about the endless recording, I don't want to miss the real thing!
Today however is glorious sunshine and I have been sitting in the garden feeling like summer has only just begun!
How do you feel about Autumn, dread or look forward to?

Here are some photos from past Autumns and Winters: