First Hair Cut

Last week we took Orren for his first hair cut, we decided it was time because it was starting to go in his eyes and hang over his ears and generally looking a bit messy. We went to the barbers that Paul normally goes and he got his hair cut at the same time.  I was a bit emotional and worried about how his was going to be, I was certain there would be tears but we went in, I took off his coat, the lady put a sort of booster thing on the seat to lift him up, he had his cape put on and he just sat there, curiously looking around.  He was very patient for the whole thing, even the blow dryer the blow the hair away where the hairdresser had finished cutting, he just got a little bothered toward the end because he couldn't find his hands under the cape! I took loads of pictures and saved a little but of his soft blond hair.  I haven't decided what I will do with it yet, perhaps a locket or something I am not sure.  But he looks so grown up now, then next day I couldn't believe how different he looked.  Paul joked that "he's a real boy". 

Doesn't he look serious!

Fun things to do with babies - Part 3:Playdough

I have been waiting sooooo long to get the play dough out and have some fun with my little man, I actually made this dough months ago but immediately my boy tried to eat it which was a bad move, (cue lots of retching), I thought I would try it again today and...result!  No dough was ingested.
So although he is technically still a baby (becomes a toddler when he starts walking right?) he is a bit older so this sort of project really isn't suitable for babies under 12 months.  I don't need to tell you a recipe for making play dough, there are plenty here, I used the cooked play dough recipe and added yellow, blue and red food colouring.  We stamped shapes, stuck in feathers, rolled balls and made shapes, so here are just a few pics of the fun we (I) had with dough this afternoon, and hopefully some ideas for you to make it even more exciting.

He wasn't into it for that long to be honest, and seemed a bit scared of it, but I am hoping he might get into it a bit more once he is more familiar with the feel, it's cheap to make so I don't mind if it gets wreaked or dries up (though I don't think it will because this has already kept for months).  There are loads of other fun, dough related activities that I want to do with him when he is a bit older.  Are you a fan of the dough?  What sort of fun games do you and your babies play?

Thoughts on becoming a stay-at-home-mum

I have been wanting to write this post for a while now and had a few of the sentences floating round in my head.  Now I have come to finally write it I am finding my phrases imperfect and not truly reflecting the emotions I have been through over the past year, however I have gone ahead and written some words, imperfect as they are to try to describe where I am now in my life, I am sorry they aren't flowing and poetic, but I hope they show truth and I guess that's the most important thing.  I hope you can forgive me...I am tired!
On the 31st of January I officially completed my last day of maternity leave and became a full time stay at home mum (although I have to say there isn't an awful lot of staying at home involved!) I went into my school to hand in my keys and access card and say bye to the other teachers in my department, as I left school I felt a range of emotions, from sadness at leaving my job, my fellow teachers and my pupils, to joy and relief that I wasn't going to have to leave my baby boy with a nursery or child-minder, and I would get to do what I have always dreamed of, bring up my own baby and being a mum.  It wasn't an easy decision to make, losing one income in our house means making cutbacks in our daily living, lots of compromises and penny pinching.  I also have a strange shadow of a feeling of losing part of myself somehow.  I don't relish the thought of not being employed, particularly not having my own money but also losing a substantial part of my identity, teaching art is part of who I am and I am not going to have that any more, I certainly feel like I am losing a small amount of independence, it's something I am still getting my head around, but trying to accept that I have a new job now, the most wonderful and important job I will ever and could ever do.
As I drove home, my little mad sleeping in the back, Lady GaGa on the CD player, I reflected on the past year, on the highs and lows and on what a challenging year it has been.  As well as the most wonderful experiences and emotions, at times I have also felt broken, torn apart, vulnerable and insecure.  It has definitely been the hardest year of my life.  And as stressful and frustrating as teaching has been at times nothing has compared to how hard it is being a parent.  I used to think it was hard work being a teacher, going to work every day, teaching unappreciative children, working long hours, often thankless and sometimes depressing, but I didn't know anything!  I didn't have a clue about how hard life could be until I became a parent. Giving birth has defiantly scarred me, it broke me open, both physically and emotionally and I am still recovering.  Looking after a tiny baby who doesn't...can't thank you, the breastfeeding, the wakeful nights, the feeling of desperation when your precious baby is crying and nothing...nothing seems to make him feel better.  The hours I spent walking in circles around the green opposite my house soothing him to sleep in the carrier, these are all just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to actually looking after a baby. 
And I now have so so much admiration for my parents, my mother particularly, and mothers everywhere.  To me there really is nothing harder than being pregnant, giving birth and being a mother.  I can't even being to imagine how hard it must be for women who desperately want to stay home with their babes and for financial reasons they have to go back to work, I know how lucky I am that statying at home was an option for me.  And don't get me wrong, I chose it, I wanted it, it was, is a dream that for a long time I never thought would come true.  And I LOVE it.
On Monday my gorgeous boy turns one and I will reflect on the day my life changed forever and do you know what, we may not have much money but I couldn't be happier. And I can't wait to continue sharing my life with you, hopefully more frequently in future even if I am clumsy with my words and stumble on my phrasing, I have found writing this blog helpful in enabling me to reflect on life, so as sparse as it is sometimes, I still love it.

Is he gorgeous or what??

Talking about parenting is a minefield

Or rather talking about parenting is like walking through a minefield.  A really horrible minefield filled with lots and lots of different footpaths to follow, all filled with lots and lots of mines.  Whichever one you take you still trip over some, there is no safe path.  Sometimes I think it might be best not to choose any path at all, just hide under a rock or something!
This has been my experience anyway which is why I have closed this blog down for a few days.  After receiving some worrying comments on a post I did about Baby Led Weaning, I discovered that I offended some people that I know personally and I felt exposed and vulnerable.  Obviously, if you know me at all you would know that I am not the sort of person who goes out of their way to upset people.  But I am someone with opinions, strong ones, which begs the question, talk about parenting or not? Clearly if you have strong opinions about something you are bound to upset someone at some point even when you don't mean to, so does that mean it's better not to say anything at the risk of upsetting someone? Or do you say what you need to say because you have a voice, a heart, an idea, a truth and it needs telling? It is a hard a difficult road to take, the truth road, and I am not talking about right or wrong, good or bad, but personal truth, my truth.  
And yet I find it so hard to remember that what I see as truth, someone else might not.  Is it possible to hate something for myself and yet not hate it for someone else?
Is it possible to love something for myself and not want to share it with the world?

I really am truly sorry for upsetting people with my words, my truth, I used to think "Those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind"  but perhaps life isn't as simple as this because sometimes the truth hurts and I don't want to hurt people.

I took a risk with my Baby Led Weaning post, I exposed part of myself that I haven't exposed before, I expressed what I thought about something in an uncompromising way, no "if it's right for you" but my own thoughts on something without apology.  But I made a mistake.  Not in what I said, but in how I said it.  

And I think that is the key to this experience, (and thank goodness I have learnt something from it, or else it would have been for nothing) I have to think carefully not about what I say, but about the way I say it, because, unlike when chatting friends where intonation and emphasis can change the meaning of what is being told, the truth of a message can be lost in the facelessness of the written word.  

So here I am facing the future, I am not hiding away any more, but I am carefully selecting which bits of myself to reveal, which thoughts, which truths, and thinking carefully about how I expose them.  I am facing the future with love and kindness, sensitivity and peace, trying to remember that some truths are not universal even if they mean the world to me.

Attachment Parenting - What I do

You might have read a few of my posts that touched on the subject of attachment parenting, but I haven't really gone into detail about how I practice it with my little boy, so I thought I would dedicate a whole post to the subject so you can understand my point of view of the parenting technique and perhaps see something you like and maybe take it up for yourself.

I became familiar with attachment parenting when I was looking for a parenting book that fitted with my desire for a technique that was based on following my natural instincts.  I looked on Amazon and came across a book called The Continuum Concept by Jean Leidloff, I was already familiar with the concept after watching a TV programme many years ago called Bringing up baby, it had struck a chord with me which obviously stuck, I noticed another book that many people who bought The Continuum Concept had also bought, called The Attachment Parenting Book by William and Martha Sears. After reading the blurb and some reviews I thought it sounded just like what I was interested in so I bought both books.
I found The Continuum Concept difficult to read and wasn't sure how to apply the techniques in real life, The Attachment Parenting Book was far more accessible and easy to read. I understood straight away how to apply the techniques in real life, and liked the fact that it wasn't an all-or-nothing approach to parenting, but you could pick and choose what suited your lifestyle.  The principles of Attachment Parenting are the 7 Baby B's which are:
Bonding at Birth - Holding your baby after it's born, having skin-to-skin contact and keeping him near you, (generally this in encouraged in UK hospitals anyway),
Breastfeeding - The nutritional benefits aren't rammed down your throat, it is more about the opportunity to bond and to become more attached to you baby, and for baby to become more attached to you.  They say that you can still be an attached parent if you bottle feed, it's about the way you do it.
Baby Wearing - Carrying baby in a sling or otherwise, they encourage this for about 4 hours per day.
Bedding close to baby - Co-sleeping,
Belief in the language of baby's cries - Responding when baby's cries, learning what it's different cries mean,
Beware of baby trainers - Trying to take no notice of people who tell you to let baby cry, who encourage controlled crying, who tell you your baby will become clingy etc.
and Balance - Making sure you are happy with using the principles of Attachment Parenting in your own way, adapting it to your lifestyle, not following it like a strict regime.

I found some these principles easier to follow than others:

• Bonding at birth wasn't too much of a problem, the hospital encouraged skin-to-skin contact after Orren was born and fortunately I was able to keep him with me after birth, I held him for most of our first night together which was lovely, although I didn't get much sleep!  
• Breastfeeding was OK once I got the hang of it (Read this for more on my thoughts about breastfeeding),I am still feeding him now, although am pretty tired of wearing frumpy old nursing bras.
• I have always responded to Orren's cries and have never left him to cry, I have not yet been able to understand the meaning of each of his cries on a concious level, but I think sub-consciously I must be responding correctly, because he rarely cries for more than a few minutes a day, and I seem to know what he wants and what to do without thinking too much about it.  I am afraid I really cannot understand people who practice controlled crying, it seems cruel to me.  I think you have to be very special parents and have a very special baby for the controlled crying technique to work without breaking your heart and that of your baby's,
• Being aware of baby trainers has been interesting because they come in the most unlikely forms of friends and family members. It can be difficult to ignore what they say when they are just trying to help, at times I have considered some of their suggestions, but fortunately not for long!  And I have managed to stand my ground so far.  I am always surprised when I speak to other mums who say they have used Gina Ford's techniques, I looked on her website and she said that she must be doing something right because she sells X number of books, but I just think parents want an answer to the complicated  confusing, unpredictable thing that is a new baby and often realising that there isn't an answer helps you become more relaxed and to go with the flow of your baby instead of trying to fit them round your internal clock.
• Balance has been good and I am so glad that this is included in the baby b's, as it has enabled me to not worry too much about the fact that I haven't followed the principles to the letter, that's the whole point of it, the technique is designed so that parents don't get stressed out by it and so they don't feel ruled by it.  Other parenting books make you feel like a falier if you haven't been able to follow through with some technique or other, but not Attachment Parenting.

Others I have struggled with:

• Baby wearning has been a bit difficult because I have found myself getting a bad back after carrying Orren for too long.  It wasn't too bad at first because he was small and light and I could wear him on my front without him getting too much in the way when doing housework etc. But as time has passed I have found it more and more difficult.  I need a carrier so I can out him on my back, but haven't got round to making one yet.  However, I always have him facing me in the cot, and do try to carry him a lot during the day.
• Bedding close to baby has been difficult, we have Orren in a little cot next to our bed but he often ends up in bed with us from about 3.00am when he wakes.  I couldn't have him in bed with us all night because I get really uncomfortable and have even ended up with a frozen neck!  I don't feel bad about it though because he is right next to us and I always pick him up when he cries.  My main concern now is that he won;t fit into his little cot soon and then he will have to go into his own room :(

As my parenting journey continues I have found a whole community of people who share my philosophy over at naturalmamas and I have found out more and more about ways to be a natural parent.  At the moment we are having a go at Baby Led Weaning and I am reading up on gentle discipline in Unconditional Parenting.  It's such an exciting journey and I am loving it.  I am so glad I found out about Attachment Parenting.  Don't believe they hype, find out about it for yourself, you will probably be pleasantly surprised to find that you are already following many of the principles.  

Fun things to do with your baby - Part 2: Fabric play

It can be difficult with a small baby to find fun things to do with them to fill the many hours of the day that you now suddenly have to occupy, My baby is now just over 6 month old and I feel I am well versed with providing entertaining activities for him and think you might be interested to find out what they are if you are ever stuck for ideas. This is the second in a series of posts like this with different ideas for fun things to do with your baby, often each activity could only last a few minutes, or sometimes they might be much longer activities.

This time I am looking at fabric play.  Exploring the qualities of fabric can be both a stimulating and a learning experience for young babies, they can learn about the different textures and weights of fabric as well as it's flexibility or stiffness and a number of other qualities.  I bought a selection of different fabrics with a variety of textures for Orren to play with, he likes to scratch on them as well as put them in his mouth and run his tongue (which is super sensitive right now) over in order to have a really good exploration of it's qualities. I also made some into little comforter cloths which are a more manageable size for taking out with us or for playing with in locations where letting the fabric drag on the floor is not appropriate, like in the garden.  (I will do a tutorial on how to make on at some point!)

I also play with the fabrics with Orren to make the play experience more interactive.  I gently stroke different textures across his face, (he especially likes the net), and I wave the silky fabric over him so he can experience the way it changes in the light, as well as the feel against his skin.  The fabric also gives an opportunity or playing peek-a-boo games.

Here is Orren enjoying the comforter I made for him (is that what they are called?)

And here is Orren with his friends enjoying the net: 

Fabrics that are fun and interesting for babies to explore include:

Net, satin, corduroy, velvet, leatherette, hessian, chenniel and faux fur.

Be sure to hem and fabric you give to babies and make sure any of the pile won't come lose because it could be a chocking hazard. 

Can you think of any other fabrics to add to this list?   What other games could you play with fabrics?

New eco parent's essentials list

When I was pregnant I did many many searches on the internet for lists of things I needed to buy for my impending birth, often I would come back with lists telling my I needed nappy bins and baby wipes and dentinox etc., all things I wasn't keen on using.  I wanted a list of the basics, the minimum required for a parent who was not only environmentally aware but also keen to keep as many chemicals away from their baby as possible.  It can be all so easy to get carried away when shopping for a new little one, so I thought it would be useful to put together a list of items that I have found essential, while also noting what one could do without is necessary.  I hope you find this list helpful, please let me know if there is anything you think I have forgotten.

1. Pushchair:

We used a travel system which included a car seat, pram and pushchair attachment, all for the one frame.  You can read more about buying a pushchair on a budget here.  However, having said that, if you don't have a car, you won't be needing a car seat so you could save even more space and money by just getting a pram that turns into a pushchair seat. If you can buy one second hand then all the better.

2. Wrap or baby carrier:

I found this totally indispensable in the first few weeks of my son's life, I carried him for a lot of the time.  You could actually do without a pushchair if you can manage to carry your baby with the wrap at all times.  It did my back in so I needed a pushchair as well.  I can highly recommend the Moby wrap because it spreads the weight evenly across your shoulders and hips. Again, buy one from ebay, cheaper and just as good.

3. Cot or bedside crib:

We were give a Moses basket when Orren was born, but he very quickly grew out of it.  In order for us to keep him in our bedroom for that little bit longer we bought a sort of bedside cot that looked like a normal cot with wooden bars, but much smaller.  If we could have we would have got this from the start.  You can buy there second hand off ebay or gumtree, but make sure you purchase a new mattress.

4. Changing mat:

You could just use a muslin or a towel but a wipe clean changing mat will save on washing.

5. Washable wet wipes:

For the first 5 months we used cotton wool and water but I wish I had made washable wet wipes sooner because they are more effective for wiping up poop (sometimes a little piece of cotton wool feels like you are trying to mop up the ocean with a flannel!)  They are dead  easy to clean even at 30 degrees, soft on their skin and unlike commercial wet wipes they contain no nasty chemicals.  They are better for the environment because they only have to manufactured the once thereby using less energy and of course they won't be going to land fill.  You can read my tutorial of how to make your own here.

6. Nappies:

If you can buy into a washable nappy brand then that's great, it will save you stacks of money compared to disposables and are far far better for the environment (even when factoring in energy used in washing them).  You can get them for a reasonable price second hand as buying them new is quite a big investment.  Get recommendations.  We bought into a brand called Bambino Mio, but I couldn't get along with them, they were too much of a faff having to put on with three separate components, and they leaked.  We couldn't afford to buy into another brand so ended up using bio-degradable disposables.  Slightly better in that they will eventually bio-degrade, but being buried under all that plastic on a landfill site will mean they won't have access to air and water (essential for degradation), BUT they will degrade eventually unlike the plastic kind.

7. Baby Clothes:

To begin with all your baby really needs are Baby-grows, also known as onesies, playsuits etc, you probably need about 10.  We got almost all of ours second hand apart from one new pack to take to hospital. We also bought a pack of little hats to keep his little bonce warm.  When baby gets a bit older you will want to put little trousers/skirts and dresses on them etc.  Again, almost all the clothes we have were given to us from friends.  I have seem lots of job lots of baby clothes on ebay selling for very reasonable prices.  Also look at NCT sales, car boot sales and charity shops.

8. Washable breast pads:

Washable breast pads are far nicer to use than disposables because they contain no plastic and don't have a thin papery skin that can get stuck to your nipples and cause all sorts of problems.  I bought washable bamboo breast pads, they are soooo absorbent and soft.  I have 10 pairs and bought them here.  Ultimately better for the environment and your pocket.

9.  Blankets:

Three or four blankets are really useful because they often get sick on them etc. We were give a LOT of blankets when Orren was born, but if he hadn't I would have made some just from some fleece  in the fabric shop, nothing fancy.  If you were feeling creative you could make a quilt like this one I made a few years ago!

10: Muslins:

Lots and lots of muslins, they are so useful for protecting their clothes, protecting your clothes, they act as sun shields, I have used them as changing mats, bibs, play mats, cloths...the list goes on. Again there is no reason why you need to buy these, you could always just buy a couple of meters of cheese cloth from a good fabric shop and cut it and hem it yourself.  We were given most of our as gifts.

11. Baby monitor:

We bought a baby monitor with a sensor pad, we hardly used it at all for the first few months but when we established a bed time routine at about 4 1/2 months we thought it would be good to put it on because he was sleeping upstairs while we spent the evening downstairs.  We could hear him cry straight away the and could respond immediately.  The sensor pad has been good for those times when only sleeping on his front would do.  I suppose a baby monitor isn't essential but it does give peace of mind.

12.  Moisturising oil or cream:

We use wheatgerm oil as a massage oil and also for dry skin, but you could just as well use organic olive oil or sunflower oil.  We used pure shea butter for nappy rash and haven't had any problems with it. Whatever you choose it is best if it is totally natural, babies don't need all those chemicals on their skin.

Have I forgotten anything?  Please let me know if I have.

Things that I don't think you will need (or at least I have bought but not needed) include:

1. A breast pump.  If breast feeding goes to plan and you are with your little one all the time, I don't see any reason why you need a breast pump.  Some people get them so they can go out for the evening or go away for a weekend, but I decided that I have get my baby as a baby for a very short time so I might as well forego the weekends away and enjoy feeding him all the time.

2. Sterilising equipment.  Again, for the reason above, and only if the breastfeeding goes to plan.

3. Baby towels.  We just use normal towels and hand towels.

4.  A baby bath.  We just use the big bath and only fill it a few inches full. Sometimes I bath in the water after him.

5. Scratch mits.  Most baby grows have little mit covers a the end of the sleeves.  Mits were a waste of time and money it was like putting paper bags on his hands and hoping they would stay on!

6. Bubble baths, shampoo, body washes and moisturisers.  Babies don't need soap or washes of any kind, plain water is enough.  As for moisturisation, see above and use olive or sunflower oil.

Any other thoughts on what you don't need?

Fun things to do with your baby - Part 1: Bubbles

It can be difficult with a small baby to find fun things to do with them to fill the many hours of the day that you now suddenly have to occupy, My baby is now 6 month old I feel I am well versed with providing entertaining activities for him and think you might be interested to find out what they are if you are ever stuck for ideas.  I hope to do a series of posts like this with different ideas for fun things to do with your baby, often each activity could only last a few minutes, or sometimes they might be much longer activities.

For the first part of this series I thoughts I would begin with a really fun activity (especially for mums and dads)  and babies find it fascinating too.  Blowing bubbles!
I sit my little by in the garden in his bumbo or lie him on his play mat on the grass, or even sit him in the door way and blow small bubbles from a cheap 99p tube over him, in front of him, on top of him... he finds it fascinating, he tries to catch them and looks for where they are going.  It is a complete sensory experience as he can not only watch them, but also feel them popping on his skin and hear the delicate popping sound they make when they explode on the patio or against a fence etc.  This is a great activity which you can do with your baby from birth and I hope when he gets older bubbles will be a fantastic educational tool to aid in learning.

Here is my little bubba watching the bubbles with interest:

What simple, cheap but fun activities do you do with your baby?

First time at the seaside!

Thought I would share with you some photos I took a couple of weeks ago when we ventured to the seaside on a sunny day in July (one of the few!) We drank elderflower champagne, and our little Orren dipped his toes in the big blue for the very first time.  He wasn't sure at first, then didn't seem to mind, he wasn't happy about the small waves crashing and the froth running over his feet and then he realised it was reeeeally cold, and got a bit upset!  Bless him.  

Elderflower champagne,

little toes on the pebbles, 

Having a little look,

First little paddle with daddy.

All these new experiences feel so special and I want to capture them all!  I didn't even get to have a photo with myself at the beach with him! We both felt so sorry for him when he got upset about the cold, and I desperately wanted to protect him from sunburn, keeping him shaded with a large umbrella and lots of blankets and muslins.  I was so focused on protecting his beautiful white skin that I totally forgot to protect my own!  Very bad sunburn ensued.  So bad that I had to fill the bath with cold water and kneel in it in the middle of the night!  Wear sunscreen folks!

Attachment Parenting on Lorraine

The other day a friend informend me that there had been a segment on Lorraine on ITV about attachment parenting, I was intrigued as my husband and I try to follow the principles of attachment parenting, and thought excellent, the general public will find out how great attachment parenting is, how wrong I was.

Attachment parenting as I know it from the book by William and Martha Sears is based on the principle of the the 7 baby b's; Birth bonding, breastfeeding, baby wearing, bedding close to baby, belief in the language of your baby's cries, beware of baby trainers and balance. However upon watching the 6 minute segment on Lorraine, only 3 baby b's are alluded to; breast feeding, bed sharing and baby wearing thus leading viewers to gain an inaccurate understanding of the attachment parenting principles.  

The poor woman invited onto the show in defence of attachment parenting was given very little time to talk about these three principles and as she began to explain that you can still be an attached parent if you don't breast feed, she was cut off by the presenter and told to move onto the next point.  The same happened when she started to say that you could still be attached and not share a bed. 

After the first lady had spoken the anti-AP lady began her piece, bemoaning the principles, saying that attached children would not be able to cope in the real world.

I was very disappointed with the programme's presentation of attachment parenting, the time that was given to the discussion and the lack of truth in what was portrayed as being the main features of attachment parenting. The viewer was left feeling that all parents who follow AP principles breastfeed till their children are at school, share a bed at all times and carry their babies all day, everyday, there is so much more to attachment parenting than this.  

On a personal level, I am still breastfeeding my baby and will continue to do so until I feel that he is ready to stop.  I sometimes have him in bed with us, but to be honest I don't sleep as well as I do when he is in his own little cot, which is right next to ours.  As for baby wearing, I did this a lot when he was a few weeks old, but find I get a sore back now as he is quite heavy!  The other baby b's are so important, I can't believe they were ignored; maybe the most important one to me is responding to baby's cries, we don't let our baby cry if at all possible (although sometimes I have no choice like if I am on the loo or something!) and pick him up as soon as he does.  The principle of balance says that parents must approach each principle in a balanced way, it is not an all or nothing approach but a do what you can approach and make it work for you approach. 

One left the programme feeling that attachment parents were hippiefied weirdos who selfishly keep their children close by for their own benefit and not for the children's.  What a shame that yet again the media has failed to portray the truth and many many parents won't be able to take advantage of the benefits of attachment parenting.