Attachment Parenting - What I do

You might have read a few of my posts that touched on the subject of attachment parenting, but I haven't really gone into detail about how I practice it with my little boy, so I thought I would dedicate a whole post to the subject so you can understand my point of view of the parenting technique and perhaps see something you like and maybe take it up for yourself.

I became familiar with attachment parenting when I was looking for a parenting book that fitted with my desire for a technique that was based on following my natural instincts.  I looked on Amazon and came across a book called The Continuum Concept by Jean Leidloff, I was already familiar with the concept after watching a TV programme many years ago called Bringing up baby, it had struck a chord with me which obviously stuck, I noticed another book that many people who bought The Continuum Concept had also bought, called The Attachment Parenting Book by William and Martha Sears. After reading the blurb and some reviews I thought it sounded just like what I was interested in so I bought both books.
I found The Continuum Concept difficult to read and wasn't sure how to apply the techniques in real life, The Attachment Parenting Book was far more accessible and easy to read. I understood straight away how to apply the techniques in real life, and liked the fact that it wasn't an all-or-nothing approach to parenting, but you could pick and choose what suited your lifestyle.  The principles of Attachment Parenting are the 7 Baby B's which are:
Bonding at Birth - Holding your baby after it's born, having skin-to-skin contact and keeping him near you, (generally this in encouraged in UK hospitals anyway),
Breastfeeding - The nutritional benefits aren't rammed down your throat, it is more about the opportunity to bond and to become more attached to you baby, and for baby to become more attached to you.  They say that you can still be an attached parent if you bottle feed, it's about the way you do it.
Baby Wearing - Carrying baby in a sling or otherwise, they encourage this for about 4 hours per day.
Bedding close to baby - Co-sleeping,
Belief in the language of baby's cries - Responding when baby's cries, learning what it's different cries mean,
Beware of baby trainers - Trying to take no notice of people who tell you to let baby cry, who encourage controlled crying, who tell you your baby will become clingy etc.
and Balance - Making sure you are happy with using the principles of Attachment Parenting in your own way, adapting it to your lifestyle, not following it like a strict regime.

I found some these principles easier to follow than others:

• Bonding at birth wasn't too much of a problem, the hospital encouraged skin-to-skin contact after Orren was born and fortunately I was able to keep him with me after birth, I held him for most of our first night together which was lovely, although I didn't get much sleep!  
• Breastfeeding was OK once I got the hang of it (Read this for more on my thoughts about breastfeeding),I am still feeding him now, although am pretty tired of wearing frumpy old nursing bras.
• I have always responded to Orren's cries and have never left him to cry, I have not yet been able to understand the meaning of each of his cries on a concious level, but I think sub-consciously I must be responding correctly, because he rarely cries for more than a few minutes a day, and I seem to know what he wants and what to do without thinking too much about it.  I am afraid I really cannot understand people who practice controlled crying, it seems cruel to me.  I think you have to be very special parents and have a very special baby for the controlled crying technique to work without breaking your heart and that of your baby's,
• Being aware of baby trainers has been interesting because they come in the most unlikely forms of friends and family members. It can be difficult to ignore what they say when they are just trying to help, at times I have considered some of their suggestions, but fortunately not for long!  And I have managed to stand my ground so far.  I am always surprised when I speak to other mums who say they have used Gina Ford's techniques, I looked on her website and she said that she must be doing something right because she sells X number of books, but I just think parents want an answer to the complicated  confusing, unpredictable thing that is a new baby and often realising that there isn't an answer helps you become more relaxed and to go with the flow of your baby instead of trying to fit them round your internal clock.
• Balance has been good and I am so glad that this is included in the baby b's, as it has enabled me to not worry too much about the fact that I haven't followed the principles to the letter, that's the whole point of it, the technique is designed so that parents don't get stressed out by it and so they don't feel ruled by it.  Other parenting books make you feel like a falier if you haven't been able to follow through with some technique or other, but not Attachment Parenting.

Others I have struggled with:

• Baby wearning has been a bit difficult because I have found myself getting a bad back after carrying Orren for too long.  It wasn't too bad at first because he was small and light and I could wear him on my front without him getting too much in the way when doing housework etc. But as time has passed I have found it more and more difficult.  I need a carrier so I can out him on my back, but haven't got round to making one yet.  However, I always have him facing me in the cot, and do try to carry him a lot during the day.
• Bedding close to baby has been difficult, we have Orren in a little cot next to our bed but he often ends up in bed with us from about 3.00am when he wakes.  I couldn't have him in bed with us all night because I get really uncomfortable and have even ended up with a frozen neck!  I don't feel bad about it though because he is right next to us and I always pick him up when he cries.  My main concern now is that he won;t fit into his little cot soon and then he will have to go into his own room :(

As my parenting journey continues I have found a whole community of people who share my philosophy over at naturalmamas and I have found out more and more about ways to be a natural parent.  At the moment we are having a go at Baby Led Weaning and I am reading up on gentle discipline in Unconditional Parenting.  It's such an exciting journey and I am loving it.  I am so glad I found out about Attachment Parenting.  Don't believe they hype, find out about it for yourself, you will probably be pleasantly surprised to find that you are already following many of the principles.  

Fun things to do with your baby - Part 2: Fabric play

It can be difficult with a small baby to find fun things to do with them to fill the many hours of the day that you now suddenly have to occupy, My baby is now just over 6 month old and I feel I am well versed with providing entertaining activities for him and think you might be interested to find out what they are if you are ever stuck for ideas. This is the second in a series of posts like this with different ideas for fun things to do with your baby, often each activity could only last a few minutes, or sometimes they might be much longer activities.

This time I am looking at fabric play.  Exploring the qualities of fabric can be both a stimulating and a learning experience for young babies, they can learn about the different textures and weights of fabric as well as it's flexibility or stiffness and a number of other qualities.  I bought a selection of different fabrics with a variety of textures for Orren to play with, he likes to scratch on them as well as put them in his mouth and run his tongue (which is super sensitive right now) over in order to have a really good exploration of it's qualities. I also made some into little comforter cloths which are a more manageable size for taking out with us or for playing with in locations where letting the fabric drag on the floor is not appropriate, like in the garden.  (I will do a tutorial on how to make on at some point!)

I also play with the fabrics with Orren to make the play experience more interactive.  I gently stroke different textures across his face, (he especially likes the net), and I wave the silky fabric over him so he can experience the way it changes in the light, as well as the feel against his skin.  The fabric also gives an opportunity or playing peek-a-boo games.

Here is Orren enjoying the comforter I made for him (is that what they are called?)

And here is Orren with his friends enjoying the net: 

Fabrics that are fun and interesting for babies to explore include:

Net, satin, corduroy, velvet, leatherette, hessian, chenniel and faux fur.

Be sure to hem and fabric you give to babies and make sure any of the pile won't come lose because it could be a chocking hazard. 

Can you think of any other fabrics to add to this list?   What other games could you play with fabrics?

Attachment Parenting on Lorraine

The other day a friend informend me that there had been a segment on Lorraine on ITV about attachment parenting, I was intrigued as my husband and I try to follow the principles of attachment parenting, and thought excellent, the general public will find out how great attachment parenting is, how wrong I was.

Attachment parenting as I know it from the book by William and Martha Sears is based on the principle of the the 7 baby b's; Birth bonding, breastfeeding, baby wearing, bedding close to baby, belief in the language of your baby's cries, beware of baby trainers and balance. However upon watching the 6 minute segment on Lorraine, only 3 baby b's are alluded to; breast feeding, bed sharing and baby wearing thus leading viewers to gain an inaccurate understanding of the attachment parenting principles.  

The poor woman invited onto the show in defence of attachment parenting was given very little time to talk about these three principles and as she began to explain that you can still be an attached parent if you don't breast feed, she was cut off by the presenter and told to move onto the next point.  The same happened when she started to say that you could still be attached and not share a bed. 

After the first lady had spoken the anti-AP lady began her piece, bemoaning the principles, saying that attached children would not be able to cope in the real world.

I was very disappointed with the programme's presentation of attachment parenting, the time that was given to the discussion and the lack of truth in what was portrayed as being the main features of attachment parenting. The viewer was left feeling that all parents who follow AP principles breastfeed till their children are at school, share a bed at all times and carry their babies all day, everyday, there is so much more to attachment parenting than this.  

On a personal level, I am still breastfeeding my baby and will continue to do so until I feel that he is ready to stop.  I sometimes have him in bed with us, but to be honest I don't sleep as well as I do when he is in his own little cot, which is right next to ours.  As for baby wearing, I did this a lot when he was a few weeks old, but find I get a sore back now as he is quite heavy!  The other baby b's are so important, I can't believe they were ignored; maybe the most important one to me is responding to baby's cries, we don't let our baby cry if at all possible (although sometimes I have no choice like if I am on the loo or something!) and pick him up as soon as he does.  The principle of balance says that parents must approach each principle in a balanced way, it is not an all or nothing approach but a do what you can approach and make it work for you approach. 

One left the programme feeling that attachment parents were hippiefied weirdos who selfishly keep their children close by for their own benefit and not for the children's.  What a shame that yet again the media has failed to portray the truth and many many parents won't be able to take advantage of the benefits of attachment parenting.

Things you can know about me by the books I have read

Inspired by a post on skulls and ponies  I thought I would share with you some books I have read recently or am currently reading, in the hope that you can know a little more about me, my thoughts, feelings, opinions and sensibilities. I have many interests and passions and see myself as having quite an eclectic personality and I feel this can at least partially be revealed through a peek at my literary conquests.

I have very nearly finished reading this book; "The Attachment Parenting Book" by William and Martha Sears.  The book is based on the principle of the the 7 baby b's; Birth bonding, breastfeeding, baby wearing, bedding close to baby, belief in the language of your baby's cries, beware of baby trainers and balance.  What I love about this book is that it isn't an all or nothing approach to parenting, there is no sense that if you fail in one of the baby b's then you fail as a parent, it allows you to pick and choose according to what suits your family and circumstances.  Also the approach seems more natural to me, a parenting style that is more in tune with how one might raise a baby without the trappings of modern day life.
So far I am breastfeeding, carrying Orren in a sling for about half an hour a day, and responding to his cries.  I was having him in bed with us but am trying to get him to sleep in his moses basket more because when he is in bed with us I don't sleep very well and find myself worrying that I will roll on him; I feel this fits in well with the "balance" baby b.  Surprisingly I am finding it difficult to ignore the baby trainers in all their guises.  We are often being told not to pick him up when he cries, and not to let him sleep with us, and I am often being encouraged to express milk and bottle feed, it is difficult when this advice is coming from people I love but I have to just nod and smile, then do it my way.

What this book says about me:
I like alternatives and alternative approaches to the typical way of doing things.  I like to do things naturally; the way nature intended.

I read All Consuming by Neal Lawson while I was pregnant and found what he said to be very true.  What stuck out most from this book was the authors idea that the way people value themselves has changed.  Whereas in the past people valued themselves by what they did, i.e. their job, now people value themselves by what they have. This is a problem because not everyone can buy the things that they feel they need to give themselves a sense of place in the world.  They counteract this by getting things in any way they can; taking out loans they can't afford to pay back, buying fakes and even stealing (think the riots in 2011).  Advertising, and throwaway culture mean we are never satisfied with what we can buy and thus with life.  It made me think about what the world could be like if people stopped wanting more or better and focused on the things that really matter like friends and family...but that's for another post.

What this book says about me:
I don't like commercialism, I don't like to be controlled by the media, I like my  personality to tell people what I am like, not the clothes I wear or the things I own.  I don't place much value is stuff, don't get me wrong, I like pretty things and clothes but I control it, I don't let my desire for things control me. 

The New Rulers of the World is a book I actually bought for my husband but I started reading it because I had nothing else to read and it looked interesting.  The book reveals a lot of shocking and evil things that the British and American governments have done throughout modern history mainly for the sake of oil.  The incidents that are recorded in this book were hidden by the government and not reported widely in the press, I felt quite disturbed and outraged by some of the things it talks about.  However the vast amount of information in this book makes it a bit difficult to follow, there are a lot of names and places that are mentioned and I sometimes felt that I was only getting a glimpse of what the book was really saying, I think you have to be quite intelligent to follow it properly. I will probably have to re-read it in order to fully understand what it is saying.

What this book says about me:

I like to know what is really going on, I don't entirely trust our government, I want to know the truth about world politics and how the truth differs from what is reported in the press.  I feel like I am a bit of an anarchist, but I prefer to read books than actually do anything about it!

What books have you read recently?  What do you think hey say about you?