"I have got several bookings coming up for the photography. I am really glad I am doing it, and am really enjoying it, but had a real panic yesterday that I was still filling my time with something that wasn't what I truly wanted to do. My deepest desire is to create artwork, that is where my spirit is calling me. I will say more on this later, I think it needs it's own post."
Well this is it's own post, or something like it, I am gradually becoming able to articulate my feelings about my art and life, the more I write about it, think about it and talk about it the easier and clearer it becomes.
Fran left a lovely, thoughtful comment to my post:
"Do you not consider your photography art? I think your pictures are beautiful and very clever. I certainly think you are an artist"
and I wanted to respond to it.
I am afraid that I don't consider my photography to be art. I feel that art should be saying something fundamental about the human condition and I feel it should express my own feelings.
The photographs don't do this.
I feel afraid of doing my own art work, I fill my time with other things; teaching, photography, tidying the house, making crafts, all these act as distractions from what is really calling me. I think that I am afraid of doing the artwork because it is the only thing that is truly me, I am totally exposed in it. With photography the camera and the people I am photographing remove the image from me the artist. I can blame other things if the image goes wrong, but with the art it is only me...what if I fail? I have no one to blame but myself.
So it is becoming clear to me that what I really need to do it just go for it with the art, be brave, open my heart to the world whatever the result.
Here is a painting I have done since having these thoughts. It is a fantasy place, a place in my heart that isn't real but could be in another life, perhaps the next life. I have included several symbols that are becoming more and more important to me; a bird, a bird cage, geraniums and a heart.
Please tell me what you think. This is by no means "high art" but it is meaningful to me and I think it is beautiful.